How to become an optimist

I have always been a somewhat pessimistic person. I generally expect the worst, and am not confident when something good happens. But in my early twenties, I met two people who changed the course of my life, and both of them were optimists. These two people had a rosy outlook, who saw hope and signs of success in every situation, and they seemed to feel happy in general. Given my negative nature, I immediately saw the drawbacks of this approach to life: they would be disappointed and hurt over and over again, and they would neglect to notice their personal mistakes. But as time passed, my respect for them increased and I felt blessed by their bright and positive approach to life. I wished I could be like this, but I didn't know how to do it. This took a lot of work and required constant vigilance to a great degree. I quickly found fault with something I did. Then I had to look for the good aspects of the situation to nullify my negativity towards him. I often asked myself how they could behave in such a situation; How is it possible for them to make lemonade from rotten lemons? That was all I could see. Sometimes this seemed wrong and that finding the good in a situation - when all I saw was the dark and negative side of it - was a naive positivity, but over time I noticed that seeing the good and bad in a situation became like second nature, and I was surprised at how much it freed me. I was also surprised at how essential it was for me to be able to see both my good and bad qualities; How important it was for me to be able to realize that there are things I am good at rather than chalking them up to “just luck” or something “anyone can do.” Even now, as I write these words, they cause me some anxiety. That is, saying that I am good at something causes me awe and fear of disappointing myself or others, but at the same time it provides me with a strange feeling of joy. I also realized that others need to hear positive performance evaluations, and I realized the importance of balancing the good and the bad when giving performance evaluations to students, when helping someone who is going through a difficult time, or when trying to understand why bad things happen in life. I hope I am not misunderstood, as I still sometimes descend into pessimism and find it difficult to find a way out. I haven't completely changed my “dark side,” and it still rears its ugly head sometimes. But most of the time, I can see hope in difficult situations, and if all else fails, I console myself with the thought that things usually work out in the end even if they don't go the way I planned. But the most surprising thing is that even though I cling to negativity for dear life in the belief that it offers me protection, I find that I need less protection than I thought, and that somehow optimism “suits me” better than negativity. So how does one become an optimist? We always say that an old dog can't learn new tricks, but this statement was clearly coined by a pessimist!

1. Notice your negativity: Listen to what you say and how negative it is. Track your thoughts on a daily basis and pay attention to the negative assumptions and conclusions you draw, as identifying your negativity is essential for change.
2. When you find yourself saying something negative, consider saying something positive even if it “doesn’t seem real” to you at the moment. If you are accustomed to negativity, then seeing the bright side will seem false and overly optimistic at first, and that is okay, as you cannot expect change overnight.
3. If you identify a negative thought, write it down, and draw a column next to it; Write down the evidence that supports that idea, then draw another column for the evidence that opposes it. You will become proficient in identifying the evidence that supports the negative idea and struggling with it to resist the negative idea, and practice will make the task easier.
4. Look for the positive aspects in situations, for example: Your team lost in the Super Bowl « the Football League final American Football » this year, but at least you watched the game with your friends and ate some delicious food. You lost your job, but this gave you the opportunity to find a better job, and you would not have taken advantage of this opportunity otherwise. Most situations can be seen from a positive point of view and from a negative point of view, you just have to find the positive point of view and keep reminding yourself of it in order to eventually believe it.
5. Think about someone you know who has a positive outlook on life and ask yourself what might This person does or thinks in certain situations, and then try to think in the same way as well. It is a way of using the optimism of others in order to embrace it and make it a part of you.
6. Giving others a positive performance evaluation. Even if someone does something poorly, there must be some good side to it, and if you can find it, your outlook on the outcome will be better. Positive performance evaluations may encourage the other person to continue.
7. Give yourself positive performance evaluations and be careful when you devalue them by saying: “Anyone can do it,” or “It really wasn’t that special,” or “Because I was just lucky or because I worked seriously " . All of the above are the excuses you use to cancel positive performance evaluations. The reason is that pessimists usually feel uncomfortable with good things and are often afraid of disappointing others by admitting their strengths; So deal with anxiety and say thank you if someone (including you) evaluates your performance positively.
8. Determine the purpose of pessimism: Does it protect you from disappointments? Or does it help you avoid pain? Do you think it helps you plan for potential challenges? We often think that pessimism and anxiety are useful, but this is not true, and we will deal with disappointment, pain, and challenges better if we do not get bogged down by anxiety and negativity. Do some experiments to see if the negative really does its job! From the book 44 Amazing Written by: Dr. Przeworski